Compassion as a Way of Being

We live on a planet of free will and choice, and while most of us would agree, we want people to be kind and loving, not everyone will make this choice. 

As long as we are given the choice to create from fear or love, there will be those who live more from a place of fear and disconnection.  I have been there myself, and you know what? It’s awful and it hurts! And hurt people hurt people. 

How others behave is their karma, how you chose to respond is yours. So when you witness “bad people doing bad things” what is your response? Do you jump on the band wagon and want to see this person lynched up, punished or maybe even destroyed? Or, can you take a step back? Can you try to understand where this person is within themselves and why they would make this kind of choice? 

It is easy to have compassion for victims. It is not as easy to have compassion for perpetrators. And it is the emotion of empathy and quality of compassion that separates mere mortals from ascended masters; those who perceive the world through the limited perspective of simply being human, from those who see our reality through a higher perspective of spiritual beings having a human experience. 

My spiritual teachers once told me “The only emotion left for the fully realized human being is infinite unbearable compassion.”  What I know for sure is that anyone who lives for very long as a human being on planet earth will not avoid pain.  In the movie “The Shack,” God says to one who is suffering “You want the promise of a pain free life…there isn’t one.” So the question becomes, how do you want to deal with the universal quality and experience of pain?

Years ago I got a call that a friend of mine was murdered, I got very cold, and started shaking. I realized I was going into shock. I started to run around this house, and considered things I could do to stop in the profound intensity of this pain. I thought to myself, I could have drink, or take a pill, but I realized there was nothing I could do to avoid the anguish I was feeling, so rather than running from it, I surrendered it - I fell to my knees, and I prayed.  I said to God repeatedly, "This makes no sense, this makes no sense, this makes no sense!!" What I got in return was "This will never make sense from your limited human perspective, you have to trust in Me, there is a higher order, someday you will understand." I realize if I want to live in peace, I MUST rest in this knowingness.

In Don Miguel’s Ruiz’ book “The Mastery of Love” He invited us to visualize living on a planet where everyone has a terrible skin disease. People are covered with wounds that are infected and everyone is in a great deal of pain, and this is considered normal.  Can you imagine how these people are going to treat each other?   Well, as humans we all have terrible infections and a disease, but rather than physical (which we could see) it is emotional (which we cannot see). This disease is fear and it can wreak havoc with our lives and ripple out and negatively affect others and the world.

The most important thing we can do is to admit we are hurting and start having compassion for ourselves. A second transformational healing practice is to allow and receive the compassion of Spirit and the angels to pour down over us and imbue us in body, mind and spirit. It is important look at our lives and be honest about the things that have broken our hearts and then hold ourselves in a place of gentleness, sweetness, acknowledgement and compassion.  It can be akin to seeing ourselves objectively, and speaking the words of kindness and empathy, then treating ourselves as we would a small child who we adore, or an innocent animal who we have immense love for. 

When I talked to Dr. Eben Alexander about his near death experience and his time with God, he spoke of the immense compassion God has for all of his children and that He is aware of how much it hurts to perceive being disconnected from God/Love for even a second or mere moment. Many people live their whole lives from the perception of disconnection. This breaks Gods heart and it can break ours. When we hurt, or observe hurting people who are making "bad choices", we can choose to build walls around ourselves, or we can allow it to break us open. 

We heal when we bring love and compassion to the places inside that hurt. And once we do this for ourselves, we can start bringing the healing quality of compassion to others and to the world.   

When we start living life and seeing others with this awareness, it can help us open our hearts rather than close them down. And rather than leap to a judgment and anger when someone flips you off in traffic, when you read something in the news of a terrible shooting or your experience a personal tragedy, your involuntary knee jerk response is not one reacting from unprocessed hurt and woundedness, but rather someone who is healing up and seeing this reality from a more spiritually mature and deeply compassionate  perspective.  This in turn is what will ripple out and positively affect others and the world. 

In a world that is primarily fear-based, are you part of the problem (living from fear, disconnection and judgment) or part of the solution (living from love, alignment and compassion)? 

Mahatma Gandhi shared some wonderful wisdom and an elegant invitation when he said:  “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” If you want to live in a more compassionate, peaceful world, cultivate the qualities of compassion and peace for and within yourself. The natural side effect is that you will effectively bring more of these qualities to our sweet, beautiful planet and her many hurting inhabitants. 

If you would like to open your heart and mind to greater compassion for yourself, so that you can more effectively share this vital and healing quality with the world, please email me at tammibphd.@gmail.com and request my "Cultivating Self Compassion" guided meditation. 

I invite you to be in touch and let me know how you are doing.

Sending you blessings of grace, ease, peace, sweetness, compassion, gratitude and great love, 

Tammi Baliszsewski, Ph.D.
www.tammibphd.com 
tammibphd@gmail.com

Freedom and Independence!

I have to say, the Fourth of July is one of my very favorite holidays! Partly because it is the middle of summer (my favorite season), the relaxed BBQ’s with family and friends, and of course the beautiful sparkly colorful fireworks. These things all make my heart smile. Another reason I love it is because it represents the freedom and independence of our nation. 

As I looked a bit deeper at this, I realized part of this is because I have worked so hard to achieve my personal freedom and independence. 

As a young girl I was very insecure. This translated to an insecure young adult. I looked outside of myself for help, for validation, and for people to do the things I did not believe I could do.  In other words I had an inclination to make others more important than myself, and often, in essence, my higher power. 

You may have heard the phrase “false Idols will fall.”  It was not that I was consciously looking for idols, I just had very little belief in myself. And as things would unfold, every false idol did indeed fall. I was betrayed, abandoned, people got tired of the games, I got tired of the games. I was finally just left with me….this is when I started having some serious and authentic conversation with the Universe. 

As I turned inward and upward, as I started praying and meditating, I was prompted to go in a very different direction in my life. I found myself in school studying hypnotherapy, psychology and spiritual psychology. Life started making more sense. The journey was not easy, but I was met with grace. 

Today, I have no inclination to give my power away, nor do I believe I need anyone to do anything for me. The power of the Universe lies within me, as it does each and every one of us. 

What have come to understand, is that an Idol is anything that takes the place of God in our lives. God is our Source, God is our core, and if we want our lives to work, God needs to be the priority in our lives. 

If we do not cultivate this relationship we come from ego and a sense of separation, this is the root of dependence, competition, fear and insecurity; we are trapped in an unconscious prison of our own making.

My spiritual teachers would say, “All of our pain comes from our perceived disconnection from God.” As we open our heart to this aligned connection with our Creator, we feel more safe, supported, and loved. We become more independent and do not look to others to be our Gods. We can start to show up as spiritual adults in relationships and in our lives. 

This is true freedom and authentic independence. And just as America is said to be the land of the free because of the brave, we become free as we are brave enough to start to make our relationship with our Creator/ The Universe/God our primary intention.  It can indeed take courage and a leap of faith, and it may not always be easy but it will be met with grace.

You are adored and loved unconditionally by an infinitely powerful Creator, and this energy is imbued within you; it is your true essence. 

You are more powerful than you know, more exquisite than you can imagine, and more beautiful than you can fathom. If you could see yourself as God sees you, you would be astonished by your beauty. Once you accept, believe and receive this, you naturally start to experience a profound sense of freedom. You can begin to dance in partnership with the Divine, celebrating a Cosmic love affair, in your rightful place as a royal heir to the Universe. 

This is how we live a life of deep faith, synchronicity, and miracles, with grace, ease, and a peace beyond understanding.

Sending you blessings of courage, freedom, independence, and Immense love.

Tammi Baliszewski, Ph.D.

www.tammibphd.com

Self-Pity verses Self-Compassion

When life hurts and things aren’t going our way, it is easy to feel alone, sad, and believe we are not supported by the Universe. In other words, it’s compelling to fall into a state of self-pity.

One of the biggest problems with self-pity, is it keeps us stuck and in pain, and pretty much guarantees nothing will change.  A healthier option is opening your mind and heart to the practice of self-compassion.  By contrast, self-compassion is healing, soothing, empowering and transformational.

When we boil it down self-pity is a victim posture. Self-pity is imbued with an attitude that “life is not fair” and "bad things are happening TO me." Once we step in to self-compassion, we can start to open our mind to the possibility that life is a “learning opportunity” and understanding "life is happening FOR me!" It is accepting that our challenges are designed to help us evolve, expand and grow as spiritual beings having human experience.

Having compassion is choosing acceptance, understanding and kindness, rather than condemning, criticizing and judging. It indicates the “mature awareness” that suffering, failure, and imperfection are part and parcel of this shared human experience.

It seems unfortunate that we tend to learn more from our mistakes and failures than our easy successes.  And to learn to love ourselves as we trip, fall, and get up again, may very well be the greatest achievement we can claim for ourselves as otherworldly beings having this earthly experience.

What I know for sure is that we did not incarnate as humans to be perfect, we incarnated to learn the lessons of love, and for these lessons to be authentic, we need to build our lives on the solid foundation of self-respect, self-compassion and self-love. 

Self-love and self-compassion go hand in hand. Self-compassion means you care about yourself and that you honor and accept your humanness: messes, mistakes, vulnerabilities, flaws, limitations, boo-boos, warts and all. 

 To hold ourselves to an impossible standard of perfection is impossible, painful & DESTRUCTIVE. What is more CONSTRUCTIVE an attitude of kindness, love & acceptance.

Accepting disappointments and struggles as a normal part of life and choosing to treat ourselves kindly throughout our challenges can help us navigate and transcend our challenges as well as positively affect every aspect our lives. 

Things You Can Do To Cultivate Self-Compassion:

Set a self-compassion intention: Open your mind and state to yourself and the Universe you are intending and committing to be kinder and more compassionate with yourself. Many of my students and clients have said this was the most important thing they have learned from me. Once something is on our radar and once we set the intention, life can start to show up in a way that is supportive and helps us manifest our intentions. 

Talk to yourself as you would a cherished friend: Look in the mirror and say something like: I know that things are hard for you right now, I am sorry you are having to go through this. Life can be painful, but you are awesome, lovable and important. Everything is going to be OK because God is on our side.

Be mindful of what is going on in your mind: Pay attention to your self-talk. If you are not being nice to you, set an intention and start being more kind.  Our outer lives shows up as a reflection of our inner reality. If you want life to be kind to you, you must be kind to yourself.

Be good to yourself: Allow yourself to rest when you are tired, rather than pushing yourself. Ask yourself what honors you and follow through rather than forcing, pressing and/or “choking things down.” Take good care of your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs.  If you want life to be good to you, you must be good to yourself.  

Take responsibility:  No more blame game. Don't look around at the circumstances of your life and tell yourself, or anyone else, that it is all someone else's fault. This is how you ensure nothing will change. Consider how you created this reality for yourself, while also being very loving, empathetic and kind. Reassure yourself you are learning, and now going to make different kinds of choices so you can have a different kind of future. 

Forgive yourself: Let yourself off the hook for any perceived mistakes you may have made. Forgive yourself as you would forgive a child that has fallen down as they were learning to walk. Tell yourself beneath it all you are perfectly in process, the child in Whom God is well pleased, on the right track and heading the right direction. There is NOTHING you could do that would make God not love you. Now set the intention to forgive and love yourself.

Surround yourself with compassionate, uplifting and supportive people: Sometimes we need to ask for what we need, and we all have different friends for different reasons. Do you know anyone in your circle that is kind? A good listener and empathic? Get in touch with them and have an authentic conversation. Perhaps tell them you are doing your best to learn how to be more kind to yourself and you appreciate their example of kindness. This can be a catalyst for a lovely, healing and empowering conversation. 

Talk to and listen to your inner child: Often, when we are in pain, there is a wound from an earlier time in our life that is being touched upon. Communicating with compassion to this younger aspect can help us get on more solid ground within ourselves, and give us a new sense of clarity, peace and equanimity. 

Talk to God: Write Him/Her a letter and have an honest conversation. Then be open to what God may want to say in return. I have interviewed several peopled and read dozens of books from those who have had near death experiences. One thing they all say, is that God has immense love and compassion for each and every one of us. We do not have to die to open our hearts and minds to this healing experience and compassionate supportive relationship. Talk, listen, and cultivate this relationship.

Ask for otherworldly support: I sense there are millions of otherworldly lightworkers, angels and guides just on the other side of our earthly veil, encouraging us with respect and compassion. They want to support us with anything and everything we need. However, we live on a planet of free will and choice, therefore, we need to ask, relax, believe and receive.  So what do you want? Now ask for an angel for their guidance, help and assistance. 

Get human support: Set an intention to find the perfect therapist, counselor, or minister for you. There are professionals who deal in the arena of psychological, emotional and spiritual support. Ask around, do your research, and find someone who feels like a fit for you. What I know for sure, is when the student is ready the teacher appears. 

Meditation: Spending time in the peaceful place within can be profoundly healing. It gives our beta brainwaves, monkey mind, and fearful way of being a break, and allows the slower, soothing alpha, theta brainwaves waves to happen, as well as the energy of the heart to come more fully present. Meditation can help us experience a sense of calm, and access the still small voice within. It has been said, prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening. This is by far the most healing practice I have ever taken responsibly for. If you want to make positive changes, this is likely the most powerful thing you can do for yourself.
 
Guided Meditations and/or Hypnosis: There are 1000’s guided meditations available for countless reasons. Guided meditations are a powerful way to make friends with your subconscious mind and help you change your life from the inside out. You can do a google search and see what comes forward that resonates for you. Additionally, I would like to gift you with my “Self Compassion Guided Meditation.”  Just be in touch with me at tammipbhd@gmail.com and I will email you the MP3.  

By virtue of experimenting with these simple steps and participating with these accessible exercises, you can naturally open to inner healing, greater self-compassion, self-love and self-acceptance. 

We are all in this human adventure together, and the more we accept and have compassion for ourselves, the more natural it is to have it for others. This is how we become a force of healing, love and transformation in the world.

Do your part to the make the world a kinder and more compassionate place, by being kinder and more compassionate with yourself.

Sending you blessings of grace, ease, peace, respect, appreciation and great love,

Tammi Baliszewski, Ph.D.

P.S. I invite you to be in touch with me at tammibphd@gmail.com to receive the Self-Compassion Guided Meditation, ask questions, express thoughts, make a prayer request, or anything else you would like to share. You are in my heart, meditations and prayers.