For many years I was really
uncomfortable in my own skin. I
had this buried belief that in order to be worthy of love, I needed to be
beautiful, perfect and always “right.” I
wasn’t aware of this ridiculous notion until I was presented with a
questionnaire while completing a Masters Degree program at the University of
Santa Monica.
It was a simple process. The questions were multiple choice and
the answers consisted of: Yes, no or maybe
Here are some examples of the
questions:
Do you
think you need to be beautiful to be loved. My answer, YES!
Do you
think you need to be thin to be loved. My
answer YES!
Do you
think you need to be smart to be loved. My
answer, YES!
Do you
believe that you need to be right to be loved. My answer, YES!
Hmmm, now that I was looking at
my answers, I consciously knew they were ridiculous.
I delved deeper into the dark
terrain of my unconscious beliefs when a friend dropped by my house. I had been sitting at my computer for
12 hours working on my book. She
said: “Tammi, you sure are
a hard worker.” I said
“Thank you,” interpreting her statement as compliment. She continued: “What are you trying to
prove and to whom?” My
hands froze above the keyboard midstroke. I turned and looked her in the
eyes. My thoughts were not
fully formed, but then I heard these words escape from my mouth: “I am trying
to prove to my father I am not stupid and I am trying to prove to my step
father I am not lazy.”
Wow, there sure were a lot of
things going on, on a very buried level, that was preventing me from living a
loving life!
I think the most painful
prospect of all, is not feeling worthy of love. I did not consciously know I felt this
way, but much had been revealed in a short period of time. And now that these beliefs had been
dragged out of the closet of my subconscious mind, and were exposed on the center stage of my consciousness
mind and in my life, it was time to make some different decisions, and set some
different intentions. I
decided to explore the concept of relaxing into self- love.
I created some affirmations to
help me claim this new way of being.
I
am perfect in my imperfection.
I am
worthy of love simply because I exist.
I
accept and approve of myself just as I am.
I am
love, loved and loving.
Almost immediately, my life
shifted. People started
being kinder, often asking me if I could use some help while carrying something
heavy, or giving me compliments. I
was treated to coffee, lunches and thoughtful gifts. I also saw more beauty in the world,
from rainbows, to hummingbirds, to hawks soaring above me. Nature appeared more
beautiful, the sky bluer, the grass greener. Perhaps these things were always going
on around me, but I simply could not perceive or receive it.
My current intention is to love
myself no matter what. I
can weigh more than I prefer, I can be silly, I can be imperfect, I can
stumble, drop things, make wrong choices, and even be wrong! None of these
things make me less valuable, or less loveable. In fact, I believe these things make
me more lovable!
A friend said to me the other
day: “I love that you are always willing to be wrong and look
ridiculous!” And, you know
what, she’s right - I am! And
it all has been SOOOOO liberating! I
no longer need to argue for my point, or BE any particular way. Acceptance is a beautiful thing. Once we accept ourselves wholly and
completely, we can authentically love and accept others. And isn’t that what what everyone
really wants?
These days I feel so much more
relaxed and comfortable in my skin. If
I had known this, I would
have surrendered these beliefs long ago. But better late than never! I finally get it, I didn’t come to
planet Earth be perfect I came here to be loving and that starts and ends with
me.
So now, some questions for you
to consider:
1.
What do you think you need to do to be worthy of love?
2. Who
do you need to be to be valuable and deserving of what you want
3. Who
do you need to prove yourself to in order to finally feel accepted?
After you answer these
questions ask yourself: Am I ready to surrender these beliefs and relax into a
more joyful, sweet, kind and loving relationship with myself and all of
life?
I sincerely hope you say YES
and join me in this magical realm of self- love.
You are a unique spiritual
being having a sometimes crazy human experience. You are magnificent, you are
valuable, immensely worthy and amazing! God
thinks so and I do too!
Please be in touch with any
thoughts, questions, “aha’s” or revelations. I would LOVE to hear from you and your
stories of self-love!
