Releasing Guilt

Hello my Beautiful Friends. I am back in the serene environment of Idaho after a month in LA and two intensive healing retreats. People ask what I learned on my adventures and there was SO MUCH, but I believe the greatest value I received was the awareness, release and liberation from a significant amount of guilt I have been carrying.

I have heard it said guilt is anger turned inward. In psychoanalysis, the concept of unconscious guilt is often used to explain certain kinds of self punitive behavior. Guilt can keep us playing small, it can also prevent us from creating prosperity or manifesting love. It can be like a dam in a river or the pinch in the flow of our lives. We always attract what we believe we deserve, and if we have hidden guilt or shame in the recesses of our psyche, it will be impossible to create the life of our dreams.

In my blog last week, I address the issue of guilt. In one of the phrases of my poem “God’s Face” I say “guilt is love misunderstood.” For three years I have carried a heavy burden as a result of a friend’s choice to commit suicide. I thought my guilt was “proving” to him how much I loved him and keeping us connected - it was, but not in a positive way. When I became conscious of the hidden material in the shadows of my heart and mind, I could then look at it, listen to it, and try to understand it. For me, the guilt was like bowing down in apology - and beneath that, reverence and profound, breathtaking love.

I finally understood, my guilt was tangled up, confused love and not serving anyone - not my beautiful friend, not me, not my family, and not those I hope to serve in the future. To heal the guilt, I needed to forgive myself. I forgave myself for not being a good enough friend, for not knowing more than I knew, for making perceived mistakes, for the quality of my love not being enough and much more. As I forgave myself and released the shackles of shame, I started to feel lighter, more open and more “clean” inside. It also seemed I was making space for more love.

If you are carrying any guilt, I support you in going deeper. What needs to be forgiven? What is the misunderstanding? What do you need to release? Becoming aware of and then releasing this heavy emotion can help you to lighten up in every way. I support you in relaxing and letting go of what is no longer serving you and in turning up your wattage. The world needs our light right now and we really do deserve the life of our dreams. Tell me about your process and your thoughts. And as always abundant blessings of grace, ease, healing and profound love, Tammi

God's Face

Hello Friends! The clearing of the unconscious continues with unexpected experiences from crazy vivid dreams to the sudden spewing of poetry. Although I don’t consider myself a poet, I have, on occasion, turned to this form of creativity while purging pain or seeking clarity in times of confusion. This weeks blog includes my lastest musings about our journey as spiritual beings having a human experience. I would love to hear your thoughts. And as always, abundant blessings of grace, ease, prosperity and joy to you. Tammi.

God’s Face
By Tammi Baliszewski

Vampire, preditor, victim, whore,
Whoever is in me I have tried to ignore.

I am gently calling you out of the shadow of shame,
It’s time to complete the cycle of guilt, this gut wrenching game.

The parts I deemed unlovable, descended underground.
Ignored but not forgotten, deafeningly loud with no sound.

Carrying beliefs of my unworthiness, mistakes and the pain,
The heavy baggage of misunderstanding, has made me insane.

Mortified and wounded it’s time to look in my eyes,
Willing to fall to my knees, surrender, let go of these lies

I have donned the false mask of courage defiled,
As I look in the mirror, I see the innocence of the child,

I have orphaned myself, seeking the approval of others,
It’s time to love unconditionally, be my own good father and mother.

The deepest part of me knows I am no horrible thing,
Not the monster I have hidden, nor the angst, or the pain.

Surrendering to God, finally too exhausted to hide,
Falling on my sword, my heart is pierced open wide.

The ego, the shadow, the fall from grace,
The Divine design to obscure God’s face

Not evil or bad, just the opportunity to decide,
I now turn towards Spirit, His arms open wide.

We have to forget so we can remember, a game of hide and seek,
This human adventure is not for the faint of heart or the weak.

Relaxing, releasing, falling into faith,
I melt into love, forgiveness and grace.

I think I understand, guilt is love misunderstood.
No more judging myself, no more “should nots” or “shoulds”

I am shedding this dark cloak I have worn for so long,
Emerging from the shadows, vulnerable yet strong.

The pain of separation and feeling alone,
Is healed in this moment, I am finally home.

I understand it takes courage to see the face of the Divine-
Because first I must be willing to see the perfection of mine.

The Unconscious Mind

I just completed an intensive weekend workshop at the University of Santa Monica. It was a powerful weekend devoted to understanding accessing and healing our unconscious mind.

We all have a conscious, subconscious and Superconscious mind. Our conscious mind is the rational thinking part of ourselves and the one charge in our normal waking state. It is the place where free will and choice reside. The Superconscious mind is our Soul Self. Napoleon Hill called it the Infinite Intelligence. Scientists call it the Universal Mind. It is where we are one with our Creator.

The unconscious mind is the buffer in between the conscious and Superconscious mind. It is the place our dreams come from and the place we access when we are hynotized. In the negative, the unconscious mind can be the store house for deep seated guilt, shame, unworthiness and cause us great anguish. In the positive it is the place of profound inspired creativity. The more we release our guilt and shame the more access we have to our infinite creativity.

One very powerful and effective way of clearing out “negative” material in our unconscious mind is through prayer and meditation. Another non-directed way to experience healing is to go into a light meditative state, and flood the unconscious with violet light. Working consciously with our subconscious mind can support us in creating powerful and positive changes in our lives.

As a “Spiritual Scientist” I have committed to doing my “Purple Light Meditation” daily and look forward to witnessing the results in my life – I will keep you posted. If you decide to participate in the experiment, be sure to let me know the results in your life as well!

Happy Lughnasadh!

On Saturday somebody said to me “Happy Lughnasadh” ….my response was “Huh?” I did a little research and found that Lughnasadh is an Irish holiday that marks the beginning of the harvest season and the ripening of first fruits.

This holiday represents that is our work is complete and we have done everything we can - even if the fruits of our labor are not yet evident. It is the time to come together with friends and family in celebration and laughter. If you are anything like me, we right on track! When I have prayed and asked God “What do I do?” I get the intuitive impression that Spirit is responding with “Relax.” Relax? But what do I DO? Relax! I understand now, I have done all I can do for now, it is time to relax and celebrate.

I love Abraham Hicks and I have often heard them say, “Celebrate NOW! Success is immanent!” When we relax and feel good, we are a magnet for good things. Yes, we have to take our action steps, and we have to plant our seeds, but once that part of the process is complete, it is time relax, feel good, be happy and know that great things are on their way.

Have you been taking responsibility for yourself? Have you planted your seeds? Are you relaxing in faith? If so, HAPPY LUGHNASADH TO YOU! Relax, celebrate, be happy - and write to me about your journey, I would love to hear from you!