Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Do you want to be right..or happy?

I am fairly confident you have heard the oft posed question: “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” After being unceremoniously dumped years ago, I was determined to have both. I had clearly been treated badly and was very attached to my story. I was RIGHT about being right about being wronged. Two years later I was still telling my sad story and garnering a certain about of sympathy. But the “happy” part of the equation was elusive.

As I sat and meditated about my dilemma one day, I asked the question “Why am I not happy: why is my life not moving in a positive direction, why can I not obtain my goals, why am I seeing my ex-fiancés head everywhere?” (Unfortunately for me he was a well known actor at that time). The information that dropped clearly into my awareness was I was facing the wrong direction by telling my story repeatedly - and I could not move forward until I was willing to let go of the past and my need to be right. I was not happy about this revelation. After a week of considering it, and continuing to tell my story to whomever would listen - I finally really GOT I had to let this go if I wanted to be happy. * EXASPERATED SIGH* Oh alright. If I only get one or the other, I am going to go for the happy now.

Almost immediately, life started to shift. I started to book auditions, attract clients, and make more money. My old habit of telling my story tempted me, but I remained strong in my resolve. NO I want to be happy!

I also started to do some conscious forgiveness work. When my ex would pop into my head, I would repeat the mantra “God bless you on your path, God bless me on mine.” I also did a guided meditation where I would have my Guardian angel or Higher Self cut the tangled cords that connected us. I would them see him floating away in an irredesant bubble.

A short time later I met a wonderful man, and I know this would not have been possible had I not surrendered my negative connection to my ex. I also went back to school, got my Ph.D. opened a private practice, wrote a book, started painting and teaching classes – a MUCH better use of my time, energy and life force than holding on desperately to my old story and being right!

The “letting of a being right” practice has been so liberating on many levels. I am now willing to be wrong in my opinions, perspectives and memories. I don’t feel the need to convince anyone of anything. What I eventually came to realize I had a deep seated belief that I had to be right, and convince others it was so, in order to be worthy of having value. What a relief to find out that this wasn’t true. I can be flawed, make mistakes and be wrong and still be worthy! I am no longer attached to being right about almost anything. I don’t feel the need to argue my points, tell my story, or garner sympathy. I feel all of this has softened me and made me more flexible and more lovable human being - at least that is what my husband, that wonderful man I met years ago, has told me!

What I have found by letting go of my story is that respect feels infinitely better than sympathy, and happiness feels so much better than being right. Is it easy? No. Is it always fun? Not so much. Is it worth it? HECK YEAH!

Write to me with any thoughts at And For more about being right or being happy, listen to my podcast about surrendering control on


  1. Philosopher Richard Rorty suggested in Philosophy and the Mirror of Nature that there is no absolute truth- people's ideas about truth are produced and shaped through their communication with others. Thus, if their communication lies solely with an insular group, it's likely to match that of their peers.
    To be happy, one must experience happiness, not as an emotion or comparison to the condition of others but as the default state of being, with a connection to God.
    Congratulations on your journey and your growth, Tammi

  2. I would like to throw in my two cents. I believe it is about ego.

    EGO is the source of a lot of conflict and dissension because it pushes you in the direction of making other people wrong.

    True nobility isn’t about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than you used to be.

  3. I absolutly agree! Ego, short for "Edging God Out" is the cause of great is like a roller coaster ride of "I am better than everyone, I am worse than everyone." Where in face we are all the same stuff! I say living from IGO, Inviting God Only, is really the way to go, if you want to be happy!


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