Living a Surrendered Life

Are you the ultimate authority in your life? Do you want to be? I believe the majority of people are doing their very best to control their lives. It has been said control is the master addition - control is also an illusion.

So, another important question to consider is: Do you trust the Universe? Do you think it is on your side? If not, you are likely to be a control addict. Additionally you are building your life on a foundation of fear, and no matter what you try to create or manifest on this foundation, it will be virtually impossible to experience a sustained happy, joyful, peaceful and prosperous life.

Outer reality is a reflection of inner reality, if one's core beliefs are fear based, there is no way for them to experience a joyful, grace-filled, happy and love-based life. 

When we learn to surrender, when we open our minds to the notion the animating force of the Universe is love, and that we are worthy of receiving this love, the natural by product is the ability to relax, feel a sense of support and deep peace. 

When we open our mind to surrendering to love, the fog of fear can start to dissolve and the clouds of confusion can dissipate. When we release what we are not, which is fear, we naturally ascend into the truth of who we are, which is love.

Grace and Divine guidance cannot be forced upon you. You have to open your mind to it, invite it, relax and receive it.  This is done through the process of surrender.

When we trust the process of life we become more peaceful and present. Rather than being angry about the past and worried about the future, we relax, soften,  and become more conscious, available and aware in the moment.  

The present moment is the place where miracles, magic and Divine communication can occur. However, if we are to busy worrying, holding things together and trying to control things, we are distracted and unaware; we miss the beauty, love, synchronicity, support and blessings that are all around us.

If feels so much better to relinquish the death grip on the steering wheel of life, relax and slide over the into the passenger seat. When we surrender, we invite and allow that something greater: God/The Universe/Creator/Spirit to take over the helm and guide us in the direction that is for our highest good.  

Our ability and relax into surrender can boil down to our deep internal sense of value. If we believe we are loved, safe, valuable and worthy, and if we subconsciously accept that we are supported by the Universe, a grace filled life will be the natural by product.   

Surrendering and relaxing to this something greater was not easy or natural for me. I had to open my mind to this possibility and consciously choose it.  I had to “experiment” with the notion that I was safe and loved. And as I did, life starting feeling better. Wonderful opportunities began to present themselves without me “efforting” to make things happen.I am now flowing with the current of life, with the wind at my back. And so can you.

Now that I know the universe is on my side, life is so much more fun, gentle, and grace-filled. My intention now is to help as many people as I can line up with their soul self, relax into faith and live a life they love.

You are loved, you are adored, you are a blessing and a gift to all of creation. The energy that breaths you, and beats your heart, wants for your happiness. Extend an invitation, relax, surrender to love, and allow this energy to be in relationship with you. Ask the current of life to inform you, guide you and carry you the direction that is for you highest good and highest good for all concerned. 

Sending you blessings  of peace, joy, grace, ease, miracles, Divine alignment and great love,  

Tammi Baliszewski, Ph.D 

If you haven’t already received my Surrender guided meditation, be in touch with me at tammibphd@gmail.com and I will send it over to you.

The Importance of Boundaries

Do you really know where you end and begin? Do you often feel like you are spread too thin? And are other people more important to you than you?
 

This was certainly the case for me. Years ago I had to admit I had boundaries issues after becoming aware of a glaring, consistent pattern that included being stolen from, lied to, cheated on and more. I was not taking care of me, nor was I speaking up on my behalf. I ended up depleted, sick, broke and very depressed.

A friend of mine said “Tammi you teach people how to treat you.” This was startling, but started to make sense as I really thought about it. I wasn’t teaching people to treat me well, because I didn’t treat me well; I did not believe in my value, and therefore was not valued.

I was a people pleaser and cared more about other people’s opinions, desires and well-being than my own. I finally realized, if I wanted life to be different, I was going to have to be different. This included figuring out who I was, liking myself, loving myself and taking care of myself. This also meant taking responsibility to cultivate, claim and implement, clear, healthy boundaries.

A lack of boundaries can make life challenging, and even dangerous if one contorts too much, isn’t clear in who they are, doesn’t know their value, and does not speak up on their behalf.

We all know boundaries in our physical world are important:  fences, walls, property lines, streets, sidewalks and cliffs let us know where we should and should not be. Respecting boundaries keeps us safe, protected and out of harm’s way.

We see the boundaries of our physical bodies with our skin. Our skin is our largest organ and serves to protect us from toxins outside of ourselves. At a cellular level, our biology has the innate wisdom to distinguish between things that are dangerous and things that are life-enhancing.

Though we can’t see boundaries in the realm of our energy and emotions, they are just as important. There are some situations and people that are great for us, some that are good for us, and others that are bad for us.  There are people who deplete us and others who replenish us. It is important to be able to discern the difference and place ourselves in the company of uplifting people and positive settings.

In relationships, boundaries prevent us from taking over-responsibility, or under-responsibility. We let others be who and where they are  and allow them the dignity of their process (even if it doesn't look very dignified to us). The propensity to enable, rescue, or go into "fix it" mode is diminished. Healthy boundaries help us discern the difference between empowering others and enabling them. Boundaries also protect us from picking up on other people’s physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual pain.

If we do not have boundaries we are like a sponge, constantly absorbing all that is going on around us. 

If we were not raised in a family that taught and exemplified good boundaries, cultivating them may not easy or innate, but something that IS possible - once become aware of their  importance, and once it becomes our intention.

Here are a few helpful exercises that can support you in claiming,defining and refining your boundaries. (For additional insight and power, write down your answers in a journal or notebook.)

1        1. Set your intentions. You can write it down and then perhaps say out loud something like “I am now setting my intention to create clear healthy boundaries.” What comes forward and what does this feel like as you imagine this and claim this for yourself?

2        2. Consider this question “What do I need to do to claim my boundaries, fill my own gas tank and take good care of me.”  You can go deeper by addressing this question on all levels: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

3        3. Now imagine drawing a circle of light around yourself. Anytime you feel uncomfortable, afraid, ungrounded or on the verge  of saying yes before checking in, pull your energy back, ground yourself, and imagine a circle of light surrounding and protecting you. What does it feel like to be in this safe bubble of light? 

4        4. Ask yourself now (and frequently) what really honors me now? Listen deeply and follow the wisdom of your inner voice.

5        5. When someone asks you to do something, give yourself time. No more involuntary “knee jerk” responses. Do not feel pressure to commit to anything immediately. A phrase that helped me (and still does) is “Thank you for thinking of me, let me spend some time with this and get back to you.”  This is a healthy boundary, and often a very self-honoring choice.  So, how does this feel as you practice it? It may be uncomfortable at first, but can support you in becoming better friends with yourself.

6        6. Listen frequently to my Healthy Boundaries Guided Mediation. If you do not have it, email me at tammibphd@gmail.com requesting it and I will email it over to you. 

I   
      If you would like more boundary exercises to help support you in taking personal responsibility in communication, email me and I will send you chapter and exercises I outline in my book Manifesting Love From the Inside Out.
 

The bottom line is, without healthy boundaries you cannot give the best of yourself to others. You will feel depleted, unsafe, ungrounded and/or imbalanced.  Without clear boundaries, you will also likely experience a great deal of drama, fear, and confusion in your life.

Boundaries are vital to help us to stay in the eye of the storm during the “bad weather” and chaos of life. Though insanity can be all around us, if we are grounded, centered, and possess clear, healthy, flexible boundaries, we have a very good chance of not being swept away by the craziness that is part and parcel of life on planet earth.

Because like vibration attracts like vibration, another benefit and bonus of cultivating boundaries is you will attract other whole, healthy people. Knowing where you end and another begins is the foundation for happy, healthy, long-lasting relationships.

In healthy relationships there is a positive exchange; a giving and receiving of energy. This happens between people who know where each other begins and ends, and respects those boundaries.

When our boundaries are in place, we know how to honor ourselves and speak up on our behalf. This supports us in communicating with love and respect for ourselves AND for other people.

One of the most important gifts I ever gave myself was the permission to take the time to really get to know myself, to love myself, and cultivate my boundaries.  This improved every aspect of my life, how I attracted my amazing husband, and how I keep our relationship thriving. I hope you also set this intention and give yourself this life changing gift. 

For more about boundaries in our romantic partnerships, listen to my interview with Ken Bechtel: http://speakingofpartnership.com/062-dr-tammi-baliszewski/

Boundaries are vital if you want to attract the right people, right situations and find your rightful place on planet earth.

When you know yourself, love yourself and take good care of yourself, life can become an amazing adventure. You no longer have a propensity to take over-responsibility or under-responsibility.  You show up as you truly are and allow others to do the same. Your needs are met be virtue of taking care of your relationship with you. Boundaries will help you stay solid and centered in your worthiness and assist you in living from clarity, integrity, love and peace.

Boundaries can help us "come home to ourselves" and support us in getting really comfortable in our skin. They also help us become happier, healthier, more  intuitive and discerning human beings. Generous giving and gracious receiving becomes more natural, joyful and balanced.  

Ultimately healthy boundaries are about protecting your connection to your soul and Source and a vital component in creating an amazing, blessed, and authentically empowered life.

Please in touch if you have questions, comments thoughts, would like additional support, or have a prayer request.

Sending you blessings of healing, wholeness, healthy boundaries and great love,

Tammi Baliszewski, Ph.D.
www.tammibphd.com 

Freedom Through Forgiveness

The most precious commodity any of us have as human beings is our energy; our life force. Do you want to deplete your precious life force throwing imaginary poisoned darts at someone, or would you like use that energy to create a life of beauty, miracles and great love? 
   

Did you know humans are the only species that thinks about, dwells on and relives the past? As we relive memories, we reactivate the energy around it. If the memories are positive this can be a good thing. If they are negative, this can impact us in detrimental ways. Not only do we reintroduce and circulate poison into our system, as we “chew on” past hurts, blame, shame, guilt and regret, we also give our power away.

There are two ways we can live our lives, victim or empowered. As long as we choose not to forgive we remain in the victim posture.  The way we can start to take our power back is when we look at any painful situation or circumstance and ask ourselves:  “What is my soul trying to learn here?”  We become empowered when we take responsibility for ourselves and our circumstances. We become further empowered when we can forgive the other people that were involved in that situation, and leave their karma up to them and a Higher Power. This is how we become whole and create the space for a love-based life that overflows with grace. 

Though it is appropriate, and actually part of the healing process, to be angry if you have experienced a boundary invasion, disrespect, or abuse of any kind, it eventually becomes harmful to yourself if held on to for an extended period of time. 

I set the intention for forgiveness long ago. Not because I wanted to actually forgive this person who “did horrible things to me” but because I wanted to be free. I wanted to live an awesome, prosperous, love-based life. I realized after several years of mentally and emotionally holding this person (and a few others) in my "energetic prison”  I realized freedom and an empowered life was never going to be mine.  So I finally opened my mind, consciously invited God into this situation, and asked for help in taking the hate out of my heart, along with any and all judgement, negativity and ”unforgiveness.” I had suffered enough, I finally was open to forgiveness. 

I worked on forgiveness for quite a while, through prayer and meditation. Then one day, I saw him, and guess what? The hatred and anger was gone. In its place was a sense of equanimity, compassion and even a little bit of affection. And boy, I have to say, this sure did feel a lot better than the knife in the gut, the clenching of my heart, and the churning of my stomach. 

I did not forgive this man for him, but for me.  I have no doubt forgiving him played a big part in my improved health. Disease is caused by dis-ease in our mental and emotional realms, which in turn takes up residence in our bodies and the physical realm.   My judgment and anger caused great discomfort inside of me and manifested in many different ways. This discomfort is now gone and my health is now optimal and vibrant. And for this I give thanks to my consciousness for setting the intention and for the grace of God which ushered in the healing. 

In addition to the health benefits, I am confident forgiveness helped me with my career, it upleveled my income, helped me to attract better people and improved other relationships. Making the choice to forgive played a big part in me becoming a more peaceful, confident, happy, prosperous and empowered human being. 

Long held anger is toxic. It affects and infects every area of your life.

Eckhart Tolle says it this way: “With forgiveness, your victim identity dissolves and your true power emerges – the power of presence. Instead of blaming the darkness you bring in the light.”

When we boil it all down, I believe we incarnate for three reasons:

1.       1. To experience our karma (to be on the receiving end of our actions from the past)

2.       2. To learn the lessons of love (which really needs to start and end with ourselves)

3.       3. To have a good time (for the joy of the physical dimension and human adventure)

Although it is hard to get to number 3 if we haven’t done at least some of the work with numbers 1 and 2. 

Forgiveness of others, and ourselves, is the “big guns” and master cleanser of karma.  Holding onto negativity takes a lot of energy. We become free through forgiveness. This not only frees up energy in our bodies, it gives us more energy for the things we love, the things that matter. As we forgive, we are forgiven and we ascend in our consciousness.  From this higher altitude we attract and manifest very kinds of different people, circumstances and experiences.

If you choose not to forgive, your choosing to not be in your loving. This is what disconnects us from God - and all of our pain comes from our perceived disconnection from God.

Forgiveness does not mean we give the person who hurt us a big thumbs up if they really did something heinous, nor do we necessarily invite them to lunch. What we do is bless them on their path and leave the consequence of their behavior, and their karma, up to them and the Universe. We are no longer trying to be the judge and jury. We are leaving their behavior and actions up to the “Big Judge and Jury.” And what I know for sure is that all of us will all be accountable, and have to take responsibility, for our actions, thoughts and deeds.  Whatever we do unto others will be done to us: Whatever we put out, we will get back. This is spiritual law. 

Forgiveness is a choice. We may not be able to choose to wipe away the hurt that someone has caused but we can choose to cast off the bitterness, anger, and feelings of the need for revenge and justice. How? Trust in God, believe His word, and turn judgment over to Him. Once we let God take over, we can start to let the negative feelings go.  ~Elmer Laydon

Everything is allowed, but we get to choose who we play with.  If you danced for a while with someone that betrayed, disappointed, stole, lied, cheated or did something else that hurt you, perhaps you were cleaning up karma from another lifetime. Or perhaps you were trying to learn the soul lessons of discernment, or boundaries.  If you don’t get your soul lessons, if you chose not to forgive, the karmic dance continues, the negativity shall persist and the patterns will not change. The toxic energy stays in the body, in your energy field and your life. Thus the negativity will certainly be a part of your future. And even if this person goes away, you will attract other people and situations that are vibrating at this same frequency. 

If you want a different future, clean up your past. Forgiveness is the most powerful and effective way to do this.

When you forgive, it doesn't mean you accept their behavior or trust this person again.You forgive so you can move forward in your life in a way that is light, comfortable, love based & joyful.

As I have asked for the ability to forgive, I have increased my capacity for clarity and compassion. People simply do not “do these kinds of things,” and “behave in this way” if they are healthy, whole human beings..  From a lower point of view, it was a negative energetic dance, and an angry argument. From a higher point of view, there is an awareness, this person really does not feel good, they are not OK. 

I also have come to learn we attract people who treat us like we treat ourselves. I was disrespected, because I didn't respect myself. I allowed abuse because I did not like,love or appreciate myself. This awareness helped me have compassion for myself, for this other person, and for the roles we played in each others lives.  

Forgiveness will help you and your world sparkle and shine.  And once your forgiveness is complete, you will understand there was nothing to forgive. The people you held in judgment were cast in the drama of your life, BY you, and FOR you. You will see the perfection of the relationships and interactions. It was all in service to your healing, upliftment and growth.  These circumstances occurred as an opportunity to help you clean up your karma, learn the lessons of love and experience heaven on earth - If you are ready and if you really want it.  I hope you join me and say yes to this incredible healing adventure and joyful journey.

And if you are opening your mind to forgiveness, be patient with yourself, it rarely happens all at once. Forgiveness tends to happen slowly or in layers. What once was a huge cable that negatively connects you to another, can then become a wire, when can then become a string of yarn, then a thread, then snap! Nothing! And you are clear, you are clean and you are free to live your life of great love, heaven on earth, miracles and magnificent blessings! 

Be the change you want to see in the world.  If you want a more peaceful loving world, become more peaceful and loving within yourself. Take care of the garden of your life. Forgiveness uproots the toxic weeds, so the exquisite flowers of love can take root and help create the Garden of Eden in your own realty, which in turn will positively and beautifully transform the world - from the inside out.

Please be in touch with me at tammibphd@gmail.com if you would like my “Freedom through Forgiveness” guided meditation and/or if you have any thoughts, stories, insights you would like to share.

Sending you blessings of grace, ease, peace, freedom and great love,

Tammi Baliszewski, Ph.D.
www.tammibphd.com
tammibphd@gmail.com